It's been exactly 3 months since my last post. I think it's difficult for me to write this one. It's a letter from my older brother Vincent.

Monday Sept. 17, 1979

Terri (he misspelled my name),

Thanks for the birthday note, it was great hearing from you. I'm sitting in a classroom now waiting for my economics class to start. My courses are tough but I should do alright. I have an economics course, two engineering courses and a geology course. The only thing I've had so far is a quiz in one of my engineering courses and I got 19 out of twenty. Not bad, huh! Now if the rest of the term goes that good I'll be all set.

Two weeks ago I went racing near Rochester. We left Saturday morning and came back Sunday night. There were two days of racing, 25 cent beers and a band Saturday night and a chicken barbeque Sunday. There were 44 cars in my class and had had to win in round 1 Saturday night to be able to run Sunday. I ended up taking seventh place. If I had one [won] once more I would have been in the money. But considering it's only my second time out I'm not complaining a bit. All is all it was a pretty good weekend even tough it got cold camping out Saturday night. Class is about to start so I'll have to finish this after.

Well, class is over. We had a guest speaker who told us about Farm Cooperatives. It was pretty interesting. I'm in Alice's room now, we're just sitting around shooting the bull. I have a quiz fifth period and I'm done for the day.

I hope everything is going okay for ya. I know you'll do alright. Keep playing the piano. It'll help make things easier till you get more settled. I miss ya.

Love ya
Vincent

No prospects on a girl yet but I'm keeping my chin up.

Vince got a degree in landscape engineering. After he died, my sister told me he had wanted to go to a different type of school to study wood working or something like that. My mom pushed him to go to college instead, but it was never his thing. Mom never understood Vincent; he was too much of a free spirit for her. I saw a photo at his memorial service that an old friend had of him in the early 80's. He was sitting on the deck of an old house in torn jeans with a cigarette and the dogs. I felt like I was looking at my brother for the first time. I never understood him either. It's only now, years after his death, that I see how we could have been good friends.

Wednesday, September 12, 1979

Dear Teri:

Just thought I would start your letter here at work and put down some of my thoughts and complete it at home tonight.

I talked to Mrs T and she gave me S's address. This isn't her permanent address as she is trying to get into the International Youth Center. She is having a little difficulty communicating as everyone there speaks Chinese so she is going to have to learn fast. Mrs. T plans to drop you a note. She is very pleased to learn you will be taking piano lessons. Ralph had his first lesson Monday night. LB started last night. Ralph said he is going to practice hard. I think there's going to be a little competition and he down't want anyone to have anything on him. Well, maybe this is good. For whatever reason, he will practice more. I hope JP made contact with you. I'm really anxious to find out your reaction when he does call you. Incidentally, please let me know what in particular you would like sent to you by the Japanese visitors who plan to be here October 11 and 12. Of course, it could never be as large a package as the suitcase we just sent over. But, in any case, we will try to accomodate you. The information along with the application for Hotchkiss and scholarship was sent to you in the suitcase. If you want me to do anything about it, let me know. I'm anxious to learn about school and how you're getting along. We're sure it will be an experience.

I distributed your birthday cards and everyone was overwhelmed. They were really interesting and it was appreciated. Uncle Joe really liked the reference you made to him.

I was so happy when I got home from work and found your letter with the pictures. They are really great. Teri, you certainly have seen a lot and been to many places before reaching your final destination. Your host father really looks good. He's very young looking. We really enjoy your letters and now the pictures. Teri, do you mind my lecturing - after all, 9000 miles isn't that far away when your thought waves move. Do you think you should be so obvious when you're at a Japanese meal and don't like the food. My concern is they might think you're not respectful and resent the fact you're not making an attempt to at least try. I remember JW mentioning in her letter that if you didn't like something, try it the second time. You may acquire a taste for it. Teri do you understand what I am trying to impress upon you. Who knows- you probably have taken the problem in hand and I am not aware of it. Fill me in

We went to Grandma's and Grandpa's tonite. We ready your letter and Grandma appreciates your sending your picture to her. Linda Fratarcangelo was there and we showed her the pictures too. Teri, why is Brian coming to Miyazaki and how are you going to arrange to see him. Do you have the approval of your host parents? That is required, isn't it. I'm sure you show the the propoer respect by asking and accepting advice. I'm doing a lot of lecturing but I'm sure you are taking care of things propoerly. It's only a parents' concern when there is so much apprehension. You should understand that by now. How is school? And piano? What arrangements have you made? Keep us informed. We talked to Ann Marie tonite for her birthday. She's 26 today. I can remember when she was 15 and helping take care of you and Ralph. She's gone a long way from 15. I wonder where 26 will bring you. We love you very much Teri and wish you everything good. Take good care of yourself and keep praying. Linda said she can't wait to talk to you when you get home because you'll have so many interesting things to relate. She really feels you are so fortunate.

Well, love from Dad, Vince and Ralph and anxiously waiting to hear in your next letter. Give our regards to Mr. and Mrs. Inoue.

Love,
Mom & Dad

Reading her letters, it hits me that her style is a bit formal and stiff. I guess that's how she communicated in person as well. She was never chummy in her language and tone. Always, always in control and polished. I don't know how she kept it up.

Stationary: Heritage House Motor Inn
Sunday, September 9, 1979

Dearest Teri:

I'm writing this letter on our way home from the furniture market. It's a little bumpy so please excuse the writing. When we get home, we'll be packing your winter clothes so John P will bring it with him from I.R. to Tokyo. Then he'll have it mailed or brought over to you from the I.R. Tokyo office. In any case he will be calling you to let you know.

By this time you must have your feet pretty much on the ground and getting adjusted. Teri, like we told you, it will be difficult but with prayer and keeping busy, the homesickness will be eased and to repeat what you said, you can't afford to give up this experience. Don't worry, we're all praying for you. You'll make it. We have a lot of confidence in you. OK, now Teri, enough of the sob stuff. Let's get you updated. Your letters 1, 2 & 3 were great reading. I'm saving them. You're a great writer. Who knows you may want to write a book. Interesting enough! I brought the Rotary Club letter to Mr. R. Was that for the newspaper? He asked if you saw Heidi. Did you see her at orientation? Vince came home Friday nite. He went to Mr. Morris, N.Y. to race his car Sat. nite. He stayed overnite and racing again today. I hope we get home in time ot see him before he returns to school. Vince was up to 135 pounds. He's gained 20 pounds in once month. He sure needed it.

Jayvees played Towanda Thurs. nite. Sayre won. Varsity beat Towanda too. Ralph and Steve were busy last week building a fort in back of W's. Guess what! Ralph, Steve & JP got poison ivy. He's really been itchy. Hope its better by the time we get home. He stayed with Aunt Irene last night. That doesn't set too good with him. He'd rather stay home alone. I think now you  must realize that we really mean well even though you thought some of our ideas are strange. I know you are fully aware of how much our children mean to us despite you term are old fashioned ideas. We love and care for you. Last Friday was Aunt Hilda's birthday. Mary did my nails. Grandma & Grandpa were really pleased that you mentioned them in all your letters. They have been busy with harvesting the garden and are doing pretty good. They wish you a lot of good luck. Mr. D asked about you last week. He loves Japan & the people. He feels this is a great opportunity. We know that.

I just asked Dad if there's anything he'd like to add. He misses your piano playing. He even misses arguing with you. He really misses you. I think fathers are close their daughters. Ann called Friday nite. She was on her way to Hanover. Can you believe I was upset because she hadn't written to you yet but I guess she was busy with the house. She said it really looks like home now. It doesn't look like the same place. She often speaks of the time you spent with her. She really enjoyed you. Well, maybe next summer you might want to visit again & do more. I'll leve off now and maybe there might be some news I'll want to add when I get home.

Your things are all packed. Lisa got you the Cover stick for your eyes. The slides are in the suitcase- also candy- choc. chips ahoy cookies - Seventeen - Japanese books - and I also enclosed the mail you got from Hotchkiss. Don't forget- as soon as you are through with the winter clothers, you can return them the same way. I'll give you instructions. John P has the key to the suitcase and I am sure he will let you know how it's going to reach you. Hope you enjoy everything. Vince got home last night around 9:00 pm. He came in 7 out of 44. His car ran good. He thinks they held him back. It was an experience. Teri- we love you- Take care- God bless you-

Mom, Dad, Vince, Ralph

Vince was diabetic and was always very thin. Gaining weight was a good thing for him.

Tuesday, September 4, 1979

Dear Teri:

It's back to work after the long Labor Day weekend. It would be nice not to have to go to work but how else can you attain the means to do what we like.

I just spoke to Mrs. Ty (my piano teacher) and she was delighted to learn how well you were. There never was a question in her mind that you would adjust. She really respects you in so many ways. She has not yet heard from Sharon and as soon as she does she will give us her address to forward to you. Ralph is bringing your address when he goes for his first lesson this year, Sept. 10. He'll be going at 8:00 PM through football practice. It's going to be tough for him to get back to the piano. He hasn't touched it for weeks. Remember all the sheet music and books we picked up almost every week for a while. I have no regrets. You did real well with them and to say the least we enjoyed listening including Dad especially the classics. I was pleased to hear you had practiced an hour and a half.

Teri, you made my day last Sunday when you told me you went to Church. You need this faith especially when you have things on your mind. You've got to express yourself and who better than God, the Blessed Mother and Jesus. Teri, don't worry I'm not trying to psych you up. I never talk about this but I do feel this faith, especially when we have been so blessed. We do have a wonderful family - Look at the grandparents, the aunts & uncles and cousins. Everyone are great. Aunt Ginny & Uncle Johnny asked Grandpa about you and they even gave Vince $5 for when he was in the hospital. They wnated to be sure he got it before he went to school.

Wednesday-
Well, it has certainly been great to receive your two letters. I was so fascinated with your experiences. Aren't you happy to have this opoprtunity- meet new people and have new challenges? Are you taking judo yet? I think we have all the arrangements made now to send you a suitcase with your winter clothes. JP is leaving for Japan Tuesday. If he can't find someone in Tokyo to deliver the suitcare to Miyazaki, he will have it mailed from the I-R office in Tokyo. Teri, he will be making a phone call to you, just to say Hello. Incidentally he knows some gentleman by the name of Inoue. Is it possible there might be a relationship with your host family? He will probably be asking. Then, Teri, when you are through with your winter clothes, you can mail them in the suitcase to the IR Tokyo office and someone will bring it to the states. When the time comes, we will firm up arrangements. Look for your books in the suitcase along with the tea bags. Why are you asking for the tea bags?

Ralph started school today. He really misses you. I stopped at Grandma & Grandpa's tonight. They are doing pretty good. Grandpa wants to know if you can get some information on "square" melons. They are sold in Tomoyuki Ono in Tokyo. I think he would like the seeds. I don't know what you can find out but it would surprise Grandpa is you did come up with so mething. He read about it in the Sons of Italy Times. The Japanese discovered it.

Romana and Lisa received your notes today. They were really pleased and interested in what you had to say. Compared to where you are, Sayre is boring. What about the environment? Are there a lot of flowers there? Is it as beautiful as we pictured Miyazaki?

Teri, we love you and although we miss you, it doesn't seem so far when we know we can talk to you and the letters keep coming. It's fun to discover your new experiences. We really enjoy reading about them. Give our love and regards to your host family and convey our appreciation for taking care of you.

Love from all,
Mom, Dad & Ralph

My mom actually loved her job and told us often how much she loved working. She always encouraged both my sister and me to work; she thought it brought women confidence to have something outside the home to excel at. She was highly respected at her work, secretary to one of the VIPs at the plant. She was extremely proud of her children's careers many years later. 

My mother's family was very close and there were lots of us in my hometown --- Italian Catholics who spent alot of time together and enjoyed parties, cooking, and eating. I have fond memories of Sunday dinners on my Grandmother's porch - homemade wine, pasta, roast chicken and potatoes. My brother Vince bought my grandparents' home when they passed away, and we had a few get togethers there on the porch in the summer.

My grandfather was a great gardener. He had immigrated to the U.S. in his early 20's, newly married to my grandmother. He always had a big garden. I google'd square melons and discovered that they were "invented" by a Japanese farmer around the time I was in Japan actually. Japanese have small refrigerators and had problems fitting round watermelons inside. So one farmer thought to grow them inside square tempered glass containers. There are no seeds for square melons after all, just a clever Japanese technique!

Friday, August 31, 1979

Dear Teri:

I'll start writing this today and complete it Sunday nite so I can mail it Monday morning. My plans are to write you twice a week. I don't know if I will stick it out but if you've got the determination to be in a foreign country for a year, I guess I can be a little determined too. I'm happy today is Friday because I'm looking forward to the long Labor Day Weekend. You know what that means- extra time for work.

Before I close this letter you will have the results of the Sayre-Athens game tonight and also the JV game tomorrow morning. Romana called at work yesterday. Everyone's anxious to know if we heard. I hope there is something today. Can't wait to talk with you Sunday. Three minutes won't be long enough but we will be hearing your voice. Vince is at State college today registering. He'll be home late this afternoon.

Teri, I just want to bring this up for whatever it is worth. Myself and Aunt Irene really speak up if someone comes up with the idea that you won't stick it out. Aunt Irene really gets on the bandwagon and goes through her speech. She's a true staunch supporter. You shouldn't have any problems. You're flexible. I always wanted to discuss this with you but where did the time go. Never had enough time to just sit and talk so we'll have to exchange ideas by letters.

Well, here it is Monday nite and dad, Ralph & I are here alone. To get you updated, Sayre won both the varsity and jayvees game. Vince got rained out Sunday at the races. He plans to come home next Sunday to race his car at Mt. Morris. I hope he really doesn't. It's too much of  hassle for him. But who am I to argue.

Teri, the highlight of our weekend was the phone call and hearing your voice and your host father. You sound so good and really excited. Your host father also seemed very enthusiastic. He must really like you. That isn't hard to do. I can't wait to hear all about school, your host parents & the city. There is probably so much to write about. Teri, apologize to your host father because our conversation was so short. Five minutes went by real fast. Do you get to call us Thanksgiving Day? It seems Rotary gives you a call at Thanksgiving. Teri, are you going to get help with your kimono? I'll be you picked out some beautiful fabric. Did anyone help you select the fabric?

Teri, you should see N. He is beautiful if you can picture a boy being beautiful. And he is so good. He sleeps most of the time. He's already got a tooth. Grandma was here this afternoon to help dad & I with our squash and eggplant. We dipped slices in egg & flour & browned them in the oven. Then we froze them in bags so when we want to make parmigiana, we've got it ready. Ann & Andy just called. She said the house really looks a lot different from when we saw it. They have curtains & they're doing some painting and staining. She & Andy said hello. I told her about your cookies. They were so surprised we called you already. Well, Teri, until our next letter, God bless you. Give our regards to your host family.

We love you,
Dad, Mom & Ralph

A few things struck me reading this letter. First of all, my mom talking about how she had wanted to discuss my being able to stick it out for the year. She didn't really sit us down for talks much, so it was heartening to know that she had hoped to do that - to give me some guidance and advice. 

Also, on a lighter note, I don't remember eating eggplant parmesan at home- ever. Must be I've forgotten.

And finally, the 5 minute phone calls. Sounds insane now, but we were very regulated by Rotary's rules. I remember we were "allowed" these short 5-10 minute calls only once every 2 months or so or on holidays. I have worked in international exchange for many years, and it is inconceivable that as an organization we would limit the contact between the exchange student and family. In fact, I suspect most correspond by email or phone daily. The benefit of limited contact was the feeling of truly being immersed in Japanese culture. Kudos to my family for sending me away without the convenience of being notified when I arrived and without the opportunity to talk with me regularly. I'm sure it was difficult for them having lived in the same town as my grandparents their entire lives and talking by phone or spending time with them almost daily.

Wednesday August 29, 1979

"Our dear Teri:

We thought we would have heard from you by now. You can  understand our anxiety. I am going to send you a wire tomorrow to tell you the time I plan to call you on Sunday. I'll be calling 7:30 a.m. our time, 8:30 p.m. your time. I went by your room tonight and I got to thinking about the nights I had to rock you. Remember? Teri, you were always so grown up but you were always our little girl. Guess it will always be. We love you. Hope your parents will be patient & loving. They seemed to be in their letter. Remember it's a year of learning and acquiring a lot of new experiences. I got a call from Angela (my best friend) for your address and I talked to her mother. She asked that when you call be sure to ask for yourself and then they will call you. I'll get the number when I call Sunday.

Can you believe dad is planning to go to the races with Vince Sunday? That will be his last binge this year. Vince plans to go to State College tomorrow to pick up some papers and register. He'll come home & go back to school Monday. Ralph is still practicing. Saturday will be his first game.

I'm enclosing labels for the September birthdays. I've written the dates next to the names. I've made some contacts to take care of communications with you next year. (I'm not sure what she means by this.) Of course, Aunt Irene is a big help. An RCA telex representative is sending the wire for me tomorrow & John P is bringing your winter clothes with him to Tokyo next week & will mail the package from Tokyo. By the way, Teri, find out if the Inoue's have a son in Tokyo. John P knows some people by the name of Inoue. I'm giving him your phone number when he leaves for Japan. It's after 11 p.m. here now and I'm getting tired. 5:30 comes real early. This is our last week for 7 - 4. After Labor Day we go back to 8-5. I like the 8:00 a.m. but not 5:00 p.m.

Grandma & grandpa are well. Keep praying they stay well. She went to church again last Saturday night. Last Monday we celebrated Aunt Fran's 50th birthday & their 25th wedding anniversary. We went to Horseheads last night for Mary & Loren's 14th wedding anniversary. Love to all & give your regards to your family. We love you.

Mom, Dad, Vince, Ralph"

My mother worked for a company that had offices in Japan and she used her contacts to arrange the shipment of my clothing, the sending of wires, etc. It all seems so complicated looking back.

August 27, 1979

"Dear Teri:

We were real proud of you Thursday morning when you went through that gate with Kim. When were you a little girl? We can't remember. It seems you just grew up so fast and into a lovely young lady. Thursday was very quiet for all of us but I'm sure it was filled with many anxious moments for you. We can't wait to share your experiences from reading your letters. I didn't work the rest of the day and recieved the most pleasant surprise when your flowers came. They were beautiful; 12 rosebuds, daisies & baby's breath. You can imagine the emotion felt. Your thought was so appreciated. Teri - you're thousands of miles away- but remember that it's only distance. We will always be together in mind and spirit. Remember always that we love you. You are going to gain so much this next year.  Be happy and enjoy every experience. The sacrifice we have to make in being separated is well worth all the knowledge, education you will glean from Japan. Then, too, and I sincerely mean it - you have a lot to offer. I may never have said it to you - but Heaven knows how many times I repeated that you're everything idealistically in a teen-ager. I enjoyed you. It was a pleasure. Teri - stay as good and sweet as you are. I'm proud and so is dad that you've been a good girl and you can be sure the rest of the family is too. Now that we've given you a swelled head, we'll try to bring you up to date.

Thursday afternoon Romana and Lisa came over for a long visit. It was good. They were cheerful. Aunt Irene, Uncle Joe, Aunt Hilda, Uncle Johnny, Grandma, Aunt Frances & Rosie came over to see the flowers you sent us.

Ralphie's (my younger brother by 1 year) been  practising since Thursday. He feels much better now. Saturday we went shopping. He got three new pairs of jeans & three shirts. He called Lisa in your absence to get approval. He said, "If Teri calls, tell her I miss her." Last night he went with Wisniewski's to the farm and returned this afternoon. Then he mowed Ciotti's lawn and went up to the Club afterwards.

Vince (my older brother by 5 years, now deceased) finally got his car to the races this weekend. He didn't win but he said the car ran good. He was so thrilled that he wanted to run it once more before returning to school. He no sooner got home that JB, AF and TB pulled in to bring furniture down to the apartment. So tonight he's down to State College unloading furniture. He's coming home tomorrow morning & going back Friday the 31st to register & returning home until school starts the 4th of September.

Dad went to the Wilkes-Barre market with Mike. I stayed home but we'll be going to Jamestown in a couple of weeks. I'm really looking forward to that. Ralphie will be staying with Aunt Irene & Uncle Joe.

I haven't seen any of the kids since you left. I did see Lisa again. Romana and she were at the Acme shopping.

Well, Teri, it looks like I've pretty much covered everything to date. Oh, I talked to Ann (my older sister by 10 years) and Andy (her husband) today and they were so impressed with your letter. In fact I had to call her back because she wanted your address. She plans on making cookies & sending you a letter. Her in-laws were there and you might guess they had the most beautiful day. They were taking pictures of the house and they plan to send you a couple shots. Incidentally, I have the slides and I'll be sending them out this week. They are beautiful. I've taken pictures of your gift of flowers so you can see how really beautiful they are.

Teri, can't wait to hear from you. Remember we all love you very much and are happy that you have this opportunity. God Bless you and give our regards to Mrs. & Mrs. Yoshio Inoue.

Love,
Mom - Dad & Ralphie & Vince"

This letter was written on scented stationary. It smells exactly the same as it did then.

Also, an important note --- she dated every letter; thanks mom.

Carmela is my mother. She died in July 2011. I loved her desperately, but we had our struggles. I know she loved me, but she was not demonstrative about it. I think about her every day and try to imagine what she felt and thought. She rarely shared her deepest self with me, or my siblings.

Cleaning out her home, I found a stash of letters she had written to me my junior year of high school. I spent a year in Japan as an exchange student. At that time (late 70's), there was no internet and even a phone call was precious. So we wrote letters. I saved all her letters and brought them home. It seems she kept them, including all my letters to her, for 31 years. I started rereading them the other day and realized how much each letter helped me understand her better. How they explained her philosophy about family and religion. How she tried to teach me lessons.

I will try and share a letter a day, most from my mother, but some from other family members and some from me to her. It's my way of finding her again, or maybe finding her for the first time.